Tuesday 22 April 2008

WORK IT BABY, WORK IT

my job...

i am a journalist working for a big tv network spread across a dozen floors. if you were to cut our building in half, it would resemble ants' nest from a distance although i reckon we move about even faster. from 9am till 7pm there seem to be a little thought around, just movement, rushing, clicking, typing, talking, lots of talking, especially bullshit, romancing, gossiping, meeting, even more senseless meetings...

actually i am not a journalist. i am now head of business operation. i was trained as a journalist but my journey from a fresh faced idealist somehow got diverted because of my love for fashion and money became more sexy than those risky trips across dusty roads to afganistan. where - i must add - i was tempted to go once as our head of international news, oscar troy (sorry I had to change his name in case he reads baby blogs), was looking for a reporter assistant. i was berely 2 months into the job making teas and coffee for every day of my uni days whilst i heard that oscar was in need. i was very single and oscar was very hot. i applied. i was turned down with a grin on his face but then i got a call. come to an afgan restaurant in merylebone at 8pm - said the crackly voicemail. for a split second i thought i heard he wanted to meet me in afganistan with his bone. so, 4 hours after my job interview oscar and i were on a trip of discovering and covering many hills, curves, caves...ok i better stop here.

anyway, this was 10 years ago. he is now a sad aging man so botoxed that you can see his hypothalamus. and i have a hunky mr forever and i am going to have his baby! ha! i will be, at last!!!! a yummy mummy, a lady who lunches, a lady who gets her manicure and pedicure done once a week, a lady who will be first to hit the sales at selfridges, who will go to the food hall at harrods for tea! who will go to the gym and do pilates and yoga! who will pick up dry cleaning and look so so YUMMY that people will take me for an eastern european nanny! i am going to have a 1 year of maternity freedom! freedom from the london tube, freedom from the weekly status meetings of the operations department, freedom from gisela and anna who hover around me non-stop and fight for who's going to get a promotion faster, freedom from 304958309485 emails a day. i will soon enter the bliss of a yummy mummy. Claudia, Jennifer, Angelina, Alba - just wait! Keep that cappuccino hot for me. Oh, better still, order me a glass of white (very chilled) and i'll see you at the soho house, you just wait girls! i am on my way.

but before this happens, i need to "tell my employer" that i am pregnant. but how. god. i am really dreading it. i feel like i've ben naughty and shouldn't have been and i shouldn't have had sex on the big O day, i should have kept my legs down and not swollow all that folic acid and got myself pregnant. i genuinely dread telling my boss: "good morning, i am pregnant". i had this stupid fantasy today at a conference call that i would tell katrina white (my boss, few words about her a bit later) that it was a HUGE shock to me, i have no idea how it happened, that i don't think maternity leaves are a good thing for the business and i am happy to have a baby on a friday afternoon if i could get a half day off and i will be back the following monday. and could she please keep my job and not look at me this way... as if i were already gone to her...

it's such a weird feeling. it's a mixture of guilt for your own growing up, of fear of being treated like a "has been" who decided to desert the corporate army for some insignificant private revolution, someone who is not going to keep the wheel of corporate fortune rolling, someone who won't fit... and - it's their own bloody fault...

1 comment:

spain dad said...

great blog post. filled with so much anticipation. my wife April is a stay-at-home mom, and although we're both committed to having one of us at home, i think we both also feel like April's missing the opportunity to continue in her professional career. kids are a necessary part of our society, i think everyone would agree (and by extension pregnancy, work leave, etc.) but it's difficult to manage work and family expectations, especially at the same time.

good luck! let us know when you've told your boss!